Tear
by GLACIER3
Summary: This happens shortly after Pixal's death. It reflects Zane's grieving thoughts about the life he lead until now. His family. Brothers. The love of his life. Betrayals. Written by Jens


Tear

The young man sat on his bed, hunched over himself, his head between his hands. He wanted to cry. But somehow, he couldn't.

He had failed. He had failed to save the love of his life. He had watched her eyes close for the last time, without being able to do anything to help her.

The last word she had said before leaving this world tormented his mind, rendering himself full of regrets. Regrets about being incapable of giving her more attention. Time to spend together. More love.

It was all his fault. His fault.

She risked her own life to save him, even though she knew that by doing so, she would die. But he didn't know. He knew nothing.

No. It wasn't his fault. It was his brothers... No, his teammates. How could he call them brothers after being so deeply betrayed? It was their fault. Their fault. Their fault that Pixal was... Dead.

Zane opened his eyes and stared at his shaking hands. He needed to control himself. He needed to lay his hands on something. Use his anger on something. Let out all his grief.

Zane stood up, and ran toward the swiveling chair in front of his desk. He brought it up, and crashed it down onto the floor, roaring. He watched at it, battered, broken. But that only reminded him of Pixal, dying. He then went up to the opposite wall, tearing off all the photos he had neatly taped up. When he was done, he took a few steps back, panting.

He continued to walk backwards. Maybe, just maybe, by reversing his steps, his steps would lead him back to where he started... To his father... His love... His teammates that he had loved so much...

His back hit the corner of the desk brutally. He fell down, and landed on his hands and knees. He squeezed his eyes shut in pain. It hurt. But nothing hurt more than having been betrayed.

He felt something under his palm. He willed himself to open his eyes. It was a photo. He picked it up, and turned it around to see his teammates, in a younger version. And himself. It reminded him of that day when they had all went to a park, and paid themselves an ice-cream for having finished the whole training course.

The Nindroid smiled in despite of himself. They all seemed so unexperienced. So carefree. So... Happy.

Or was it just fate playing with them all? In the beginning, they were all treated like heroes. Given prizes. Glory, respect and power. Happiness. And now? Their so said "glory" seemed so far. The peace? He thought that he had found it when he unlocked his true potential. But it was only the start of the discovery of this doomed world. And now the Ninjas were merely the dolls of Fate. Lloyd became the Green Ninja, having to fight against his father. Kai and Nya lost their parents at a young age. Jay and Cole were put against each other to fight for Nya. And Zane? He wasn't human. His father was gone. The love of his wife, taken.

He thought he had found love when he met Pixal. But it was taken away so quickly that he hadn't even had the time to even grasp it. If love was meant to be taken away or betrayed, what was the use of it? Why would anyone want it? Where is the sweet, desirable love that everyone talked and sang about? Or is it because he was a Nindroid that he can't feel it?

Zane clenched his fists, crumpling the photo in his hand. He squeezed his eyes shut. Then screamed.

Zane didn't notice the someone open the door until the person spoke.

"Zane?" A soft, hesitating voice said.

The White Ninja didn't answer. His whole body shook. Zane vaguely noticed his teammate's presence shut the door softly, come closer, and kneel down beside him. He tensed when the person put a hand on his shoulder.

"Zane."

He recognized this voice to belong to Jay. After a long moment of silence, Zane finally spoke.

"What have you come to do here?" He murmured. "Tell me another lie?"

"No, I've just come to tell you that... That we're sorry. If you need us, we're here for you."

Hearing that sentence made what was left of Zane's sanity disappear. He snapped open his clear eyes, and sat up to meet Jay's eyes.

"You're sorry? Do you even have the right to come and talk to me? After all what you've done?"

"Zane, I'm sorry, I just..."

"Don't say that!" Zane screamed. Rage exploded inside him. "Are you even sorry?! Do you know what it is to feel sorry?! I'm the one who feels sorry to have brothers like you all! Do you know how I feel about all this?! Of course not, you wouldn't understand! You're not the one who has been betrayed by your brothers!" He spat the last word. Then instantly regretted what he said. He hadn't meant to say that. But wasn't this what the deepest part of him really thought? Zane waited for the Blue Ninja's answer.

"Zane... We didn't mean to hurt you. We didn't want you to know... You would never have agreed to the mission.."

"But you did. You hurt me." Zane whispered, his eyes stinging.

"I know. I'm so sorry." Jay whispered back, his eyes forming tears. He quickly wiped them away, and took his brother's hands in his, squeezing them tightly.

Zane didn't know what to do. Jay wasn't the one who should be crying. He was. But when people truly feel sad... Do they really cry? He had once heard in a beautiful song that when people are truly sad, they laugh in lack of anything else to do.

"I know you wouldn't be able to forgive us, after what we did. But please understand, we were trying to protect you. I know, it's a lame excuse." Jay said, his voice turning more and more inaudible by the second.

Zane shrugged. He wasn't human. He didn't understand them completely. He didn't need to cry. He didn't need to understand. He squeezed Jay's hands back. Jay looked up at him, his look full of guilt.

Zane stood up, pulling Jay up with him. He offered a gentle smile, one that he used to do to tell people that he was okay. Jay's eyebrows twitched in confusion. Then his eyes lightened up a little bit, followed by a weak smile.

Maybe humans couldn't forgive. But he could. Because he was Zane, built to protect those who needed to protect themselves.

He wrapped his arms around Jay. Jay startled, then wrapped his arms around Zane, squeezing him as tightly as he could. Zane rested his head upon Jay's, smiling sadly. His emotions were so confused now, but all he knew now was that Jay felt sorry. His brothers felt sorry. And he did too.

Zane dropped a tear.


End file.
